Modern dating can be painful. It can be gut-punchingly horrid and you may end up regretting your decision to date someone right now. Dating in the modern age is difficult, as no one wants a serious commitment. People end up dating others just for the sake of it. The result? Heartbreaks and unnecessary emotional attachments. But you’re probably wondering that people nowadays seem to be connected to each other more; all thanks to upgraded technology. But then, why are people still emotionally distant? What makes them so undatable?
The singles in the market are the one to hold the fire. The modern dating world belongs to them and what they make out of it. These people have a quest to follow their dreams and meet their significant others while on the journey. While chasing the original Disney dreams of a prince charming, these people often miss out the fact, if they are even cut out for dating. Often, inevitable incidents in your life leave behind scars unknowingly that you refuse to accept. The aftermath of these incidents rises in small fragments in the future during separate incidents. But, that’s the thing. You get emotionally hurt and traumatised so much that you hurt the people you're trying to date as well. Your past or present leaves an everlasting, negative impression in your mind which you can’t just seem to shake off easily.
Imagine this: you’re swiping through dating apps and meet several people who seem compatible with you. But you just can’t commit, probably others wouldn’t also. They are separate individuals and their opinions, thoughts and actions differ from yours. You may not have any control over their actions but you definitely have on yours. It’s honestly all up to you. You should introspect and decide whether you are ready to dedicate tie and energy to someone else or whether you should build and care for yourself first. Thus, to make it easier for you, we bring you 6 reasons why you shouldn’t date if it applies to you.
1. “I can’t seem to love anyone right now"
If you’ve recently gone through a hard break up, got out of a long-term relationship or still not over your ex, then committing to someone may seem difficult. You may not be mentally prepared to invest in another partner, in either physical or emotional terms. This means, your emotional and mental capabilities required for a new relationship haven’t grown yet. This maybe because you’re still reeling from that last break up you had, which left you so heartbroken that it’s so much more difficult to love anyone else now.
Even if you’re in for a purely sexual rebound relationship, you may feel hungover from your last time and may remind you of bitter memories. So, probably, what you need right now is to concentrate and love yourself. It’s time to heal yourself and focus on your energy on positive surroundings like your work, creativity and family. Being in a safe environment can help you immensely. Take your time to grow and radically change your beliefs on love and commitment. 2. “I’m clueless about what I want” Before you step out in the dating game, it’s extremely vital that you know what you want. If the opposite happens, you may face situations and interests of others at the expense of your own. You may get attached to the wrong people for materialistic reasons and miss out on genuine people who could actually have a chance of making you happy. Also, in the end, if you suddenly understand that what you want from the relationships isn’t the same as the opposite person, then you may also hurt them beyond repair. A relationship is no small talk, two people emotionally invest themselves into it and if things don’t work out, heartbreaks tag along. You don’t want this right?
Hence, try introspecting yourself first. Avoid committing yourself to others and try to find out what exactly you want. Make a list of what excites you and what doesn’t. This can help you to narrow down your perspectives in finding a possible partner in the future. Evaluate the value of all the qualities and things in the list and understand why you would prefer these instead of superficial things. 3. “I just don’t know what to do in this relationship” When you aren’t firm and confident about yourself, then regarding others while on the dating platform can do more harm than good. You meet thousands of people and their superlative characters may intimidate you and you're left feeling insecure and less desirable. In such instances, you look for ways to compromise in a relationship and slowly disregard every last bit of yourself. If you don’t know your self-worth and are busy in only taking care of others, then you’ll be left incredibly vulnerable. You don't deserve this. You deserve to know the people who love you instead of benefitting from you.
Start appreciating yourself enough. Keep strong boundaries and limits and don’t settle for less to just be part of the dating bandwagon. Find positive energy in every situation and analyse your weaknesses to slowly grow out of them. Your past experiences will always leave a valuable mark on your mind. 4. “Sex is okay, how worse can it be?” No matter how much you deny it, sex is an extremely private action. When you go out for dates, you put yourself in a very vulnerable position and reluctantly agree on having sex on the first date. You mostly do this to feel accepted as a person of interest on a date. This can be emotionally disastrous as you unknowingly may not be even ready to have sex. Your experience may not be great or worse, you may get emotionally attached.
Having sex too soon without analysing the outcomes of the date can go really wrong. There’s not much time as you meet a stranger, so it’s best if you stick to what you only want. Make sure you communicate your intentions and wants to the opposite person. Also, before doing anything, check with yourself if you’re ready to sexually indulge with the person. 5. “I still have pending emotional issues” You can't expect a relationship to run smoothly if you are the one who isn’t emotionally stable. Your previous relationships or ex may have left you hurting and you still haven’t recovered from it yet. The biggest reason why you can’t focus on the current situation is because of your own emotional issues. You have to work on your issues as you can’t bring the same you to all your relationships and expect it work perfectly and smoothly. Face your issues head-on because it’s your responsibility and it’s what holds you back from a beautiful relationship ahead.
You can start by being honest about your struggles and your flaws. Talk to people close to you and understand their observations of yourself. Look for hobbies that compliment your well-being and start attaching yourself to people who actually care about you.
6. “I don’t feel attached to anything, anymore.”
If you don’t have any attachment towards anything in life, don’t make it worse by getting into a relationship. You’ll not only become more numb but will also hurt the other person immensely. The relationship can become toxic and you may develop codependency with your new partner. When you fear of being alone, you hold onto the wrong person for dear life. This way, you may end up losing your dignity out of desperation and fear of being left alone.
What’s best for you is to take a break and only focus on yourself. Try analysing the mistakes or identity the wrongdoings in your life. That’s the first step. Nurture your close relationships with your family and loved friends and occasionally go out on trips to refresh your mind. Consult a therapist if you have to.
What you need to know: To date someone, you have to fix yourself first.
Don’t pity yourself if you can't date someone right now, rather utilise the time in nourishing your mind and soul and emerge as a better person everyone wants you to be, especially yourself.