Query: Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend from almost nine years and we have had our share of ups and downs in the relationship. I have stayed honest with him throughout but once, he cheated on me. It happened a year back and he admitted of having a casual relationship with someone else for three weeks.
He was apologetic and I decided to give him another chance. The truth was I was (and still am) so much attached and in love with him that I can't imagine my life without him. Last week, he proposed me for marriage. What should I do now? What if he cheats again? - By Anonymous Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: Long-term relationships have their own ups and downs. Challenges are part of life and how you cope with the situation with your partner is important. Marriage is a committed relationship and two people have to be ready to invest in each other and work as a team.
I comprehend that you have been in a relationship with your boyfriend for nine years and he did cheat on you for three weeks. You gave him a second chance and it has been one year to that incident. I understand that you are scared to move ahead in this relationship and not sure if you should accept his proposal for marriage.
I would suggest that you take some time and reflect on your feelings first as you mentioned that you gave him a second chance because you cannot imagine your life without him and are attached to him. Secondly, express your insecurities about this relationship to him and state few ground rules that will help both of you to stay committed. Lastly, consider pre-marriage counselling.
There is no guarantee whether he will cheat on you or not in the future. Whether you choose to be with him or part your ways, every choice would bring certain challenges and emotions. Eventually it is your choice which path are you comfortable walking.
- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a Counseling Psychologist at Insight Counseling Services in Mumbai
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