Query: Hi, I am 32 years old and have been married for four years now. The problem in my married life is that my husband prefers to spend more time at office than home and even accepts it. He loves his work and feels more relaxed at his workplace. According to him, he does not get his me-time at home and gets loaded with household responsibilities once he steps in at home.
I am a homemaker and need some time for myself as well. What is wrong if I expect him to look after kids once he returns from office? Also, every progressive couple shares household responsibilities and so should we. How should I explain him this?
Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: As marriage is a long-term relationship, it goes through various phases and both the partners require to work as a team to overcome challenges that occur from time to time. This team work is possible when there is an open communication between the partners.
I comprehend that you are a 32-year-old homemaker and married since four years. It can be difficult to cope with the household responsibilities alone as your husband spends a lot of time at work and feels loaded with household responsibilities if he comes home early. It seems your husband is a workaholic and his me-time also involves being at work. He also accepts that he likes to spend time at work more than at home. I understand that it can be frustrating as you don't get time for yourself and there is nothing wrong if you expect him to contribute some time sharing household responsibilities.
Firstly, I would recommend you to speak to him about your feelings and not the situation because I am sure he is aware about it. Secondly, appreciate him for his efforts that he puts in at work, and acknowledge his honest nature. Thirdly, you ask him what are his expectations from this relationship and how he would want to work as a team to achieve them. Finally, you can share your expectations with him and create some ground rules for both of you.
You can consider meeting a marriage counsellor to work on each of your expectations and you can also speak to him to dedicate time for your relationship.
- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a Counseling Psychologist at Insight Counseling Services in Mumbai
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