Query: My husband takes a lot of pride in the fact that he cooks and I can’t. While it was ok initially but it has started to embarrass me now because when we are alone he often fights with me over it- that why I can cook! How should I deal with it?
Answer by Dr Rachna K Khanna: I can understand you feel embarrassed and upset when you see that your husband shows self-admiration over his ability to cook and somewhere his actions also make you feel the same.
In the Indian society, it is expected that people follow this preconceived set notions regarding gender roles, which means that women handle the household chores while men earn a living. However, presently, these roles and responsibilities have evolved and I am happy that you both as a couple are the pioneer's in the change. But, we should also keep in mind that everyone has their good and low days, and on certain low days, your husband might be impacted by those gender roles which can explain his behavior. You must remember, that no individual is perfect and we can't master everything, so in some situations it is okay to not be an expert. You've come a long way and the fact that you look after your family and be there for them is inspiring.
I suggest you to have a calm and healthy discussion with your husband and try to understand if he has a problem with the concerns regarding cooking. Cooking is not a difficult task, if you do not engage in cooking by choice then you should be confident in the fact and believe that it is for the best. However, if you want to improve your culinary skills, then you can learn it through a number of ways. A good idea can be learning from your husband, this would strengthen your bond and allow you both to spend some time together.
Lastly, if this is impacting your confidence levels, you may want to look in deeper to assess in case there are some contributing factors. Seeking therapy could help you explore these reasons and help you further deal better with them.
Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh is the Head of Department of Holistic Medicine in Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon. She is also a Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert.
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