Query: Hi, I had an arranged marriage six months back and my wife and I had a nine-month long courtship period. We live with my parents now and she does not contribute even a penny in the household expenditures. I pay the rent, look after grocery-related expenses, our medicines and foot the bill whenever we go out for a movie or dinner. I literally have zero savings and she keeps her entire salary in her account. I asked her to share the expenditure or at least look after the kitchen-related expenses but she blamed for being a greedy person. I know I did no wrong but somehow, she likes to create issues over finances. How should I deal with her? - By Anonymous

Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: In earlier days, a woman was dependent on a man for her financial needs and was expected to take care of the house. However, times have changed and women are financially independent and are very much capable of taking care of their material needs. Out of respect, a man does take care of a larger expense of his wife but a woman can equally contribute to the family requirements.

I comprehend that you got married six months ago after nine months of courtship and it was an arranged marriage. You mentioned that you stay with your parents and your wife does not contribute financially in the house. I can understand that it can be a very difficult situation for you and also financially stressful. I see that you have tried speaking to your wife but she called you a greedy person, which might have been hurtful even after taking the responsibility of the house.
Marriage is long-term commitment by two people who equally share the responsibilities and invest in each other not only materialistically but also emotionally. I would suggest you to sit with your wife and hold a discussion. Express how you feel about the entire situation and also how stressful it is getting for you to handle everything alone. You can ask her to show support and you can also think of operating from a joint account. You can also talk about saving money in that account which can be a security for both of you in future.

I would also suggest mutually creating some ground rules and sharing responsibilities. You can consider meeting a marriage counsellor who can guide you.

- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a Counselling Psychologist in Mumbai

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Source: indiatimes.com