Query: I was in a relationship with someone for eight months and we loved each other. Unfortunately, my boyfriend had to shift Australia for his new job and he assumed that our long-distance relationship won't work. He broke up with me and I had no choice but to accept his decision. Somehow, I feel we did not try harder to keep the relationship afloat and hence, I have been unable to move on in life. It has been six months and we have not talked till now. I miss him terribly and feel our relationship did not get a proper closure. When would I be able to move on? Please help! –By Anonymous
Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: Sustaining any relationship requires conscious efforts from both the partners. Sometimes the idea of a long-distance relationship makes people uncomfortable and they decide to break up.
I comprehend that you were in a relationship for eight months and he had to shift to Australia for work. Unfortunately, he broke up assuming he will not be able to maintain a long-distance relationship. I comprehend you had no choice but to accept it. However, he was honest with you and did express his challenges. In fact, he did not give you false hopes. I understand that you are feeling hurt and helpless as you think you could have tried harder. It is normal to feel like that after a break up. I am sure you have done your best in the relationship and that is the reason he could be honest with you about his feelings.
Break ups can be difficult, undoubtedly. You also mentioned that you feel that that the relationship did not get any closure. You can surely speak to him and express your feelings. However, there is no guarantee that he would want to continue the relationship. According to me, he has mentioned his situation clearly and given closure from his side. I understand accepting this situation can be challenging. One cannot force anyone to be in a relationship; it has to be mutual from both the partners as it is a long-term investment. I would recommend you to take your time to cope with the situation and also meet a counsellor who can help you address your emotions.
- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a Counseling Psychologist at Insight Counseling Services in Mumbai
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