Query: Hello, I need you to see my situation from a third person perspective and give me a pragmatic advice. I am a 25-year-old college student and I have no idea why every guy approaches me only for casual dating. In fact, I am not the kind of person who can enjoy being in a fling. I am a tomboy and get along well with boys. Does my friendly nature make them think like this? Where am I dropping wrong hints? Please help! —By Anonymous
Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: Casual Dating is convenient as it does not involve fulfilling emotional demands and expectations of your partner. It does not have any long-term investment and commitment involved either. However, motives and intentions behind casual relationship might vary from person to person.
I comprehend that you are 25 years old and you have no idea why guys approach you for casual sex. You mentioned that you are a tomboy and friendly by nature, which to a certain extent answers your question. Sometimes being friendly and casual with people can be misunderstood by men. If you are looking for a serious relationship, then your approach also requires to be serious. You can consider meeting a relationship counsellor to help you work on your relationship goals.
As a third person perspective, I would recommend you to reflect and think about what pattern or similar things are you doing when you speak to boys. If you want different outcomes, you would have to do things differently. Same behavior pattern would only give you the same results.
- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a Counseling Psychologist at Insight Counseling Services in Mumbai
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