Query: I got married a year back and since the very first day, I have not been able to strike a rapport with my mother-in-law. She is a good-hearted person but somehow, we don't get along well. She is religious and I am an atheist. She expects me to wear saris and I am more comfortable in western wear. We have different ways of managing household as well. Now, I am constantly wondering how I would adjust with her my entire life. It has become difficult to sit in the same room. Also, my husband has made it very clear that he won't take sides and try to resolve the situation. –By Anonymous
Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: Relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very fragile. It also has its own ups and downs. They both care for the same person and for the same house.
I understand that you are finding it challenging to cope with your daily routine as you are not getting along with your mother-in-law. You mentioned that you got married last year and since then you have not been able to strike a rapport with her.
I comprehend that her expectation levels might be too much for you to handle and you are finding it difficult to adjust as her beliefs are different than yours. I would recommend you to speak to her and express your concerns. You can acknowledge her practices and then politely express that your values might not be same as you come from a different background. You both can have an open conversation with each other and discuss your expectations and create few boundaries.
It has just been a year and I’m sure you both would require some more time to know each other and make adjustments accordingly. I would suggest you to handle the situation with some patience and care as it is a very sensitive relationship.
Involvement from your husband must be minimal as it is between you and her to understand and reach to a common goal. Husband’s involvement can make this relationship complicated, so I think your husband has made an appropriate decision.
- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a Counseling Psychologist at Insight Counseling Services in Mumbai
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