Psychologist Robyn Salisbury helps a reader with a relationship dilemma.

QUESTION: I'm a 26-year-old female and I've never had an orgasm. I still enjoy sex a lot.

I've read everything I can find on the internet about anorgasmia. I've taken time to "get to know my body" by myself and with partners. I was "trying too hard" and getting inside my head for a while. But for the longest time I have been content with my lack of orgasm and my partner is very understanding (willing to try to help while not trying to pressure it).

Now I feel like I'm ready to get proactive again but I don't know where to start. The doctor? My regular therapist? I don't mind talking sexual health with professionals but I'm more hesitant to talk about sexual pleasure. I also wonder if this is affected by antidepressants but I am currently weaning off them. I hope you can give me a push in the right direction.

ANSWER: Actually you have already pushed yourself in the right direction. Antidepressants can make orgasm extremely difficult for many people. A low dose is used as a treatment for men with early ejaculation so at clinical levels suitable for depression, the impact on reaching orgasm is even greater. If prior to using these drugs you also had difficulty with orgasm that could be attributed to depression, which of course dampens libido and sexual responding.

I'm impressed by your skills at taking charge of your life. You've done the research and have effectively worked to get your head on your side and you continue to enjoy your own sexuality. So it seems to me the best pathway for you is to continue gently weaning yourself off the meds while feeding into your mind encouragement about how good it feels to be taking charge of your life, growing your eroticism as part of your vitality and power.

Sometimes it can take a while after stopping antidepressants for your body to recover from their impact, so don't despair. You and your partner may find it helpful to shift focus a little and look at sites like OMGyes to build up skills levels of what can be pleasurable for women. Don't just focus on the clitoris, many parts of your body enjoy being stimulated and your brain can play a powerful role too by using fantasy.

Source: stuff.co.nz