Query: I recently had a break-up. I had been in a relationship with my girlfriend for six years and we had to end the affair on a bitter note. Although I have been doing remarkably well but something seems to be amiss during these days. I feel very lonely and depressed when I see my friends with their partners and it makes me miss her a lot. Everyone tells me to approach her and give each other a second chance, which is impossible. Some of my friends are even trying to fix a date for me. I don’t want to start anything in a hurry and all these make me more frustrated. Please tell me what should I do. –By Anonymous
Response by Shweta Singh: Thank you for writing to us and seeking advice to help you overcome this situation.
It is quite normal to feel lonely after a break-up, especially when you break the ties on a bitter note with a person you have been in a relationship for a long period. During festivals or holiday seasons when we spend time with family, friends and loved ones, it’s understandable that you would miss the person who had been a part of your life for six years.
First, I would like to acknowledge your way of handling your emotions maturely. Since you said you don’t want to be in a relationship ‘in a hurry’, you have already won half the battle. So, cheer-up and feel proud of yourself!
Take this as an opportunity to find something new. No matter at what stage of life you might be right now, there is something new waiting for you at every turn. When you place your happiness in other’s hands, chances are that you might get hurt someday. And since we are human we want to place our happiness in someone else’s hands—be it our parents or lovers—and nothing gives us more satisfaction when we are with them and see them happy. But in our race to chase happiness and love, we forget one significant thing—self-love.
It might seem difficult at first but try doing things that make you happy. Instead of fighting the urge to feel frustrated when you watch friends spend good times with their partners, accept the fact that such acts make you sad. We are human and our emotions—like happiness, sadness, guilt, envy, rage etc.—makes us what we are. The more we try to fight something, the more energy we invest in it, which only makes it grow into something bigger. When you are frustrated, express your frustration. When you are sad, admit it, don’t fight back. But at the same time, remember to do something that makes you happy.
You can try going on a solo trip if you love travelling. If you are into fitness, you can join a new course. If you have a creative bend of mind, join a hobby class that will help to keep your mind occupied. Talk to people. Laugh. Live.
Remember, time is the biggest healer. You are already doing a great job and you will get over this phase soon. Let the New Year shower you with health, happiness and prosperity.
Shweta Singh is a Senior Consultant Psychologist
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