Query: Hi, I am software engineer and I am in my late twenties. I was in a serious relationship for three years and my girlfriend cheated on me. Later, we broke up and she entered into a live-in relationship with her new boyfriend. This all happened three years ago and we have not been in touch since then. I think I have moved on but someone, I have not been able to fall in love with anyone else. I chat, go out with girls I like but find it difficult to commit to a relationship. Is there something wrong with me?
- By Anonymous
Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: The definition of love is the most challenging as well as debatable one. However, love includes development of attachment; an emotional relationship and sexual attraction. People in love may experience various feelings such as butterflies in stomach, high energy levels, emotional dependency accompanied by intrusive thoughts. Relationship slowly becomes a not only materialistic investment, but also an emotional one.
I comprehend that you were in a relationship for three years and your partner cheated on you. It would have been very hurtful, and I understand that now you are unable to commit to anyone else. Sometimes unresolved emotions related to the past relationships make it challenging to commit to a new relationship.
Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you and this is a normal emotion that a person goes through after a break up. Secondly, I would suggest that you spend some time with yourself. Do activities that you like and focus on your self-development. This will give you a better understanding about your goals. Lastly, you can consider speaking to a counsellor.
- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a counseling psychologist in Mumbai
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