Query: I am married for three years now and having been living with my in-laws since the day one of our marriage. The problem is that I am unable to adjust with them and my husband is not willing to shift to a new house. My in-laws always try to instigate my husband against me and recently, complained to him that I do not cook 'delicious' food. They have a problem with the kind of clothes I wear, how I manage the house and even how I take care of my husband. We have arguments almost every alternate day but my husband never takes my side in front of them. How should I convince him that moving out is the only the good option for us? —By Anonymous
Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: Relationship between the in-laws and the daughter-in-law is very fragile as they both care about the same person and the same house. However, their thinking and perceptions can be different.
You mentioned that you have been married since three years and you are not getting along well with your in-laws. I can understand that it can be extremely frustrating that you don’t receive any support from your husband if they speak against you. I comprehend that you want to shift but your husband is not willing to do that and nor is he trying to manage the arguments that happen every day between you and your in laws.
Firstly, I would suggest that you go out with your husband alone to a peaceful place and express your feelings of frustration and helplessness. Secondly, have a family meeting where you can openly discuss each other’s expectations and then create boundaries. You can try and find a middle path for your situation. Lastly, if your husband is not willing to leave the house then, try and understand his situation as well. Ask him to help you make this scenario better. Consider going for marriage counselling.
Furthermore, you will have to work with your husband as a team and reach to a solution as it involves multiple people and their emotions.
- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a Counseling Psychologist at Insight Counseling Services in Mumbai
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