Query: My wife and I got married three years ago and presently, we have no plans of having kids. We earn comfortable incomes and have helpers at home to get household chores done. The thing is my wife does not like spending time at home at all. Almost every week day, she unnecessarily spends longer hours at office or heads out for a movie after finishing her work. She reaches home by ten, by the time I am done with my dinner. We talk for about 15-20 minutes and sleep. On weekends as well, she is more interested in catching up with her friends than staying at home. I feel we do not spend any quality time together and she has no interest in household duties. We once even had an argument on this topic and she excused herself by saying every marriage comes to this stage after three years. The rosy phase is over and you need to have your own life as well.
What should I do now? Is she right? - By Anonymous Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: Marriage is a long-term committed. It is an investment between two people. It is not only materialistic investment but also the investment of emotions and time. As it is a long-term relationship, it goes through various phases and a couple needs to work as a team to overcome the challenges that arise from time to time.
I comprehend that you are married since three years and you and your wife does not plan to have kids, you both are earning well and have a comfortable life. However, lately you have been observing that your wife comes home late from work and does not spend time at home. Also she hardly speaks to you. Even on weekends she prefers to catch up with her friends. I understand it could be very frustrating for you as you also ended up having argument with her and she excused herself by saying “every marriage comes to this stage after three years. The rosy phase is over and you need to have your own life as well.” This could be hurtful.
Not every relationship goes through the same phase. She might be assuming that the rosy phase is over and might be feeling stagnant in the relationship. Try and find out if something is bothering her. Also try and understand her expectations from this relationship. Is there something that has hurt her? It will be best to address the concerns if she has any.

Later, you can ask her out and take her to her favourite place for dinner/lunch and express how you feel about the situation and express your need of companionship.

You both will have to work as a team to build a happy relationship with conscious efforts. Consider meeting a marriage counsellor too.

- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a counselling psychologist in Mumbai

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Source: indiatimes.com