Sex is erotic, exciting, alluring and all things fine. This natural human need has brought people closer and initiated closer intimacy among strained relationships. You get that beautiful feeling at any time in the day and indulge in amazing sex sessions with your partner. Whether you’re in a casual relationship or serious one, sex is your go-to peace. Even when love goes awry, sex undeniably binds together the relationship.
But what happens when sex is no longer a part of your relationship? Hence, we bring to you a woman’s account of being in a sexless marriage.
It’s been six years since we got married. Life’s been blissful and I’ve never been thankful. I have a beautiful family and two twins who make every second worthwhile. My husband and I met when we were working and our marriage has been a successful one. We used to go out on dates, candlelight dinners (so cheesy!) and he even used to give flowers. Sex was amazing and we never got enough of each other. Until a year after having kids.
I’ve been blessed with two beautiful daughters but I feel like we’ve stopped having sex at all, ever since I had our children. At first, it seemed natural because pregnancy completely alters your body. I stopped having any desires and mostly because both of us rarely got any sleep! But with time as well, I noticed that my husband didn’t feel attracted to me anymore.
It was heartbreaking. Since it was a love marriage, both of us were very familiar with our emotional and sexual preferences. It was great before, but it left me quite puzzled as to why my husband didn’t want sex any more. Our communication was getting weaker and it left me frustrated whenever I was alone in my room, thinking.
I wonder what is the reason behind this. My work hours or me, myself? Don’t get me wrong, I love my body and I'm proud of it, but this is equally sad. I’ve even struggled to come into terms with realising and wanting sex openly with my husband.
I slowly realised that he didn’t deter emotionally, that means he still loves me. That’s a relief. But the, why doesn’t he want sex?
After practising countless times on how to approach the discussion, I went straight ahead and had a talk with my husband. Turns out, he gets really tired after work and isn’t really in a mood to have sex. He even further said that his work keeps him so occupied that he hardly has time to think at all. He then brushed off the topic with a smile and kissed me.
I felt content but then, couldn’t stop thinking about it. He does have time because he spends sufficient time with our kids and on days when our kids are with their grandparents, we go out to have dinner. That’s great but we come home and fall asleep. Me? Unwillingly.
I was determined to approach the topic once more. After all, sex is just as important, right? Marriages are built on love, trust, understanding and definitely sex and so, my husband finally came around. He said, he just didn’t see me the same as he did before my pregnancy. I was left dumbfounded. I felt tears sogging up my eyes. The thought that my after-pregnancy body would be the reason never crossed my mind. He quickly corrected that he loved my body and the marks our children left. But what he couldn’t come into terms was that he couldn’t have sex with the woman who bore his children. I watched him quietly as he struggled to express and elaborate on the reason.
My husband loved my body but couldn’t have sex with the woman who birthed his kids. What kind of a reason was that?
I understood that I should just let the matter go for now because we both needed time to process our thoughts and feelings. Long before I was surfing the internet for answers, I came across a couple’s sex therapy online. Therapy seemed scary because if we attended, it meant our marriage was a problem. The truth was harsh.
Surprisingly, my husband was eager to attend the therapy, provided it was online. We paid for our first session in the beginning, and let me tell you, we are slowly working it out. I didn’t understand what my husband’s problem was, but our therapist made me understand better. So for now, we are working it out. Therapy has been good and I feel there’s an improvement. We still haven’t got to sex but I feel like we are edging forward to it now.